A story by Sidsel Lindsø, CEO of ExploCrowd

Why do we keep hitting the wall at work, how can we make it stop – and how can one cope when the stress has forced you out of the office? I don’t have the answers. But I can tell you what worked for me.

At a dinner I attended last autumn, it turned out that all the people at my table – none of which I knew from earlier – had crashed and burned with stress, with various degrees of seriousness and side effects.

I know I’m not the only one hearing all the stories about how people struggle with stress. Now, I have decided to share my own stress story, for three reasons:

If you are the one being challenged right now, I want you to know that you are not alone. You don’t have to feel lost. Or weak.
By sharing what worked for me, I aim to inspire more people to use the learnings from challenging life events to shape better days and caring companies.
Even though every person and situation are different, sharing our experiences can make more people see the signals and patterns that emerge when people are affected by stress.

pay attention to young colleagues

Did you know that three out of four young people say they have experienced burnout or being close to hitting the wall at work, according to a newly released report?
Young and inexperienced employees are particularly vulnerable to stress. High ambitions combined with a lack of setting boundaries, can make the wall approaching dangerously fast.

Giving 100% of yourself to work

My stress story started when I had just graduated from university. This was at the end of a downturn in the oil industry. As the first young hire in almost a decade after the big crash in 1998, I managed to get a position as a geologist in the Production and Engineering Department of an oil company. This was one of the most respectable companies in my home country, and it was an honour to serve. There was a clear underlying expectation that I would give anything. So I did.

The learning curve was steep.

I learned software, oil and gas production routines, and the many abbreviations drilling engineers are so fond of.
For two weeks I worked 16-hour shifts in the logging unit on offshore drilling rigs to learn as much as possible as fast as possible, before returning directly to the office to update a Field Development Model with the latest data from the ongoing drilling campaigns.
I was responsible for a new structural model for a field, planning six production wells and training a consultant in Petrel. After 18 months in the role, I was on standby for going offshore as an Operations Geologist for a two-week shift – a standby that lasted one day after another for over four months, putting my life completely on hold.

The dangerous cocktail was further spiced with a relationship where I was considered more a trophy than an equal and respected partner. After spending all my hours trying to adapt to all the expectations, my body started to shout.

At the age of 27, I developed a stress-induced ulcer.

Treating stress with shame

Hopefully, you don’t know what an ulcer feels like. The pain I was in became evident in my company’s stand-up morning meetings. My immediate leader reacted, and a process was initiated, where the company sponsored a psychologist after my choosing. But first, my team manager told me to announce in a meeting (!) that I was going on a sick leave. Today, it is easy to see how wrong this was. A former colleague has later described this as the worst thing he had ever experienced. But back then, I was in it so deep that I had lost sight of the horizon, the announcement was just another beating to take. I did what I was expected to.

And then I went on a sick leave, all alone and with an overwhelming feeling of shame. Why? Because in our society, stress is strongly associated with weakness – which again is associated with shame.

Left to myself, I had little contact with my friends and family. Shame was one reason, the other was the distinct expectation that I should fix myself asap, otherwise I might be lost for the rest of my life.

I was rescued by people and science.

Understanding the science of stress

Thomas Milsted’s book “Stress – seize the chance for a better (work) life” explains what happens physically when your body is constantly creating adrenaline.
Think of a gazelle on the African plains. When a lion attacks, adrenaline is pumped into the body, causing superpowers in the gazelle’s muscles so it can escape. Surviving the attack, it can rest for a month before another lion hunts it again. And one month is exactly how long it takes to get the adrenaline out of the system.

High expectations, endlessly to do-lists at work and family logistics on top of trying to be a good friend, parent, supporting life partner (and here the list continues), makes it hard – or even impossible – to rest and recover. Being continuously on alert, with adrenaline and cortisol pumping in your body, will certainly affect your health. In fact, many of the hormones at play affect the brain in the same way as those that cause depression. They are not the same, but can lead to exhaustion, energy loss and a downward spiral. This is one of the main reasons people with stress feel lost.

To me, understanding the science of stress, really made the difference. The shame went away.

After sleeping, for weeks, I started to regain energy. As soon as my brain emerged from the clouds, I was able to start mapping the patterns and getting a better understanding of what had happened and why.

I sought help from the Center for Stress (also founded by Thomas Milsted), where I received coaching on how to handle my dire situation. The coach taught me to take back the control I had lost on the way. Mapping out my boundaries meant listening to myself and feeling what I wanted to do, instead of doing what everyone else wanted me to do. Embarrassingly simple, I know, but surprisingly difficult when stressed out.

The best medicine: People and thriving

One evening, when I finally had started to socialise again, I bumped into a gentleman from the exploration department in my company. I told him my story, and he understood exactly what had happened. He took steps to get me out of the production unit and into exploration – where I belonged. Several people were involved in the process, and I was placed in safety with the most wonderful woman: Anette. In her protective arms, I had a speedy recovery and was soon ready to move on, a bit wiser than before. I have a lot to be thankful for.

What I learned: Being aware – and being fair

I had to change the scene, not myself. I had experienced the hard way what company culture and leadership can do to you. Trying to adapt would not get me anywhere but backwards.

I learned stress awareness and how to respond. Except for brief incidents, I have been able to avoid stress symptoms since my burnout. I know how to listen to body signals when my brain tries to override the system, and it enables me to respond. Also, I pick up signals from people who might not even be aware of the situation they are in. Having been in the situation myself, I can share my experience and make people feel seen and understood.

I know the enormous value of boundaries. As a young employee, I was put in a situation where it was unacceptable to say ‘stop’. As one of my older colleagues explained it: “I’ve had a hard time. You should have a hard time. It’s the best way to learn”. I simply won’t subscribe to that point of view. The younger generations should not have to repeat our old mistakes.

I want to make a difference with my company. I wish no one to experience the feeling of being so alone and deep down a narrow hole that they are unable to see the horizon. This was one of my main motivations when starting ExploCrowd. I wanted to create a space where I could make sure that people would thrive and grow.

Why be a machine when you can be human?

In stressful times, it might be valuable to remember that many of our management systems were invented a century ago. Back then, humans lost value to new and effective factories.

We are not machines. But humans do count. Creativity counts. Caring motivates. If you manage to create a space where people thrive and are allowed to do their absolute best, it’s amazing what we can achieve as a team. I have witnessed it many times over the years, and it blows me away every time.

The learnings from my crash and burn, have presented me with a passion for better leadership.

Not a machine?

Then you can say no.

Then your opinion matters.

Then you can care about yourself and others.

Then you can learn, develop, and grow.

This year, ExploCrowd made the list of the top ten places to work in Norway – a result of a lot of careful thought and hundreds of good decisions.

Thank you for reading all the way through. Maybe you have an experience to share, opinions on how to recognise negative patterns, or your own advice to someone dealing with stress? Feel free to join the debate at LinkedIn!

Crashed and burned? Here’s what I learned.